welp... here I am at Power balance... promoting this company as if I believe in it.. sigh.. and now we can't even say anything on how it works because we have all these lawsuits going on.. lame..
and when I tried to tell my temp agency that I wasn't that happy here so got all crazy on me! Just didn't understand where I was coming from.. I was trying to tell her that I wanted a diff position, not in a call center and that maybe a receptionist would be good for me and she was like "you are on the phones all day as a receptionist!" and it is not really the phones, just the fact that I have to help the customers.. ha
I told Nina how depressed I have been because I didn't get into UCI (sigh) and how I feel like a failure to everyone because I keep going from temp job to temp job and how I don't have insurance and have these health problems.. and how I just want a job I am happy at and I don't want a job where I hafta help customers too much (luckily it is pretty slow here at PB) and that I haven't even really been happy at a job and it would be nice if I could find a job to be happy at.. that I want to try harder to like a job so I won't keep fliting around and she was like "well I can't say I understand where you are coming from".. and I dunno that just kinda hurt my feelings.. like that is fine, but you can at least pretend.. I would rather you say that and say something like, sorry to hear that than telling me you have no idea what I was talking about..
I dunno.. it just really annoyed me and made me kinda sad.. bah oh well..

I am trying to keep my chin up.. trying really hard, but I am the person most disappointed in myself.. blah but I am going to apply to UCI again next year and Long Beach at the same time, so hopefully something will happen then..

It is mostly my family I feel I have been a disappointment too.. because they are always telling me to do this and I need to do that, and it is a lot of stuff I don't want to do.. and it is really hard for me to do stuff I don't want to do, so I just don't do it.. and my sister used herself as an example "I volunteer and I don't want to" yeah right.. she does like it.. I don't think she understands how much I don't really like people all that much.. heh I can pretend if I have a job in cust serv of course, because I have to, but it gets harder with each job that I don't like.. and if the customer is stupid I just get super frustrated with them and try to keep my patience but it is kinda hard.. x.x at least I always sound nice, but I have horrible thoughts running through my head..
If I was a receptionist of some sort, I think I would like that much better because I wouldn't have to answer questions about a product, just transfer them somewhere, maybe answer some emails, organize some stuff.. things like that! That I would like.. I should look on craigslist to see if anyone wants an organizer.. heh I do love to organize!

Anyways.. I think I may be bi-curious because I never had any experiences when I was in high school and in college.. girls sometimes turn me on when they are super hot girls.. but more often than not it is guys.. like holy crap I want to jump on Ryan Reynolds and Matthew Morrison and just go crazy on them.. probably at the same time.. haha ooo and now Jake Gyllenhaal has been added to that list! And.. I dunno about RD Jr. anymore, he is still sexy but he is getting kinda old.. haha so I dunno.. and Andrew can still turn me on really well, but sometimes I don't want it.. I am just not in the mood and nothing can turn me on I just don't want anything to touch me.. though that could be part of my self esteem issue.. x.x I dunno.. I just know that sometimes I do get turned on by women but it is mostly Andrew and other men.. maybe one day we will have a threesome and I can see.. ha

I hate how I look now and days! I just hate it.. x.x I am trying to exercise every morning now to try and help with that a bit but I sometimes am super tired and just don't have the energy. But so far this week I have done it both days in a row, so go me! heh Hopefully I can keep it up and trim down a little so I feel better about myself! woo!

I would like to get a gym membership but don't want to pay for it.. ha

anyways.. this is the longest one I have done in a while, so I shall go now! less than an hour left in the day.. woo!
hasta later!