ugh I really hope I do not have diabetes.. but I am starting to show the signs of it.. tho that could just be because I do not have my levoxyl.. I am hoping that is all it is.. but I may hafta go to urgent care and use the cc again just to find out.. I did give up on candy mainly, but I still eat lots of sugar.. but I did start exercising.. soo we shall see I suppose.. my ear is still bothering me so I have to go for that as well becuase it is starting to get worse.. I am just falling apart aren't I.. sigh..
well I have decided that after a month if I still do not have a job, I will go back to banking.. ugh I really do not want to! I hate banking so much and that is the last thing I want to do.. but what else am I going to do if those are the only jobs I am being offered? There really is nothing else for me it seems.. bah
all the other positions I am applying for I have been rejected saying I do not have enough experience.. what other experience do i need? geez.. well oh well we will see what happens.. I am just trying as long as I can to wait as long as I can to get a job that I actually want.. that I wont mind going into work every day.. sigh..

oh I went into Goodwill the other day to bring Andrew lunch, and David was there.. ugh.. I got so flustered that I didn't even stay to chat with Andrew too long.. I was just like, "David is here, so I am going to go now.." I was afraid of running into him and speaking my mind, so I just left quickly..

and now Andrew is off to vegas.. sigh.. I know he has to have his time with his friends, but ugh.. I hate to think of him over there.. and it's like, I trust him but always, in the back of my mind, because of all I have been through, there is that nagging feeling tht something bad is going to happen or he is going to get into some sort of trouble.. and plus the drinking.. I hate the drinking.. =P I don't understand why he has to.. why anyone feels they have to.. it is stupid.. sigh.. oh well.. there is not a whole lot that I can do about it.. I know he likes to drink and that bothers me so much! at least he has calmed down on the drinking and he is not as into it as he used to be but I still don't like it.. I have calmed down on the beers tho, I don't mind those nearly as much as I used to.. it is the hard alcohol that bothers me and makes me worried.. sigh oh well..
alright.. I am going to go now.. I am tired of typing.. no work on my story this week even tho I had been planning on it.. not sure why I didn't, but next week is the week!

ugh I feel sick and it is stupid.. =P I have not wanted to do anything today.. sigh.. I think it is cuz I do not have my levoxyl anymore, because when you have problems with your thyroid you are usually tired.. and I do not have medicine to regulate it anymore.. that is what sucks about not having a job.. no insurance.. stupid.. but tomorrow I Have an interview finally, so we will see where that goes..
it is a call center job that pays well, but it has sales so I dunno.. but luckily it is in the morning, so I Can get it over with and decide if I want it or not! and tomorrow I need to write more of my novel so I can throw the old one away.. I just wrote some notes on it and it is taking up space and it is bothering me!
and now every time I exercise I feel sick.. I think it is also because I do not have my medicine.. sigh.. this sucks.. I don't want to go to urgent care, I really do not want to put anymore on the credit card, so I just have to suck it up until I can get a job and get insurance!
anyways.. I hafta start dinner now.. so until next time!

well just applied to two writing jobs, so we will see what happens! they were both kinda technical writing jobs, but at least I would be writing! I do not know if I have the experience either of the jobs is looking for, but who knows.. maybe I will get lucky!
and now I am off to have lunch with my mom and my gma.. that should be fun.. maybe.. hopefully my grandma will give me some gas money for taking her around but I doubt it.. oh well.. I am going to use the citibank card so I can get that 50 dollar check and put it towards the next payment.. go me!
bah I have a headache.. I wonder if this exercising really is all that good for me.. sigh.. it doesn't even seem to be helping much.. I am so gross.. bah

bah as always, my mom is the voice of reason, which is lame! heh but we talked about me going up North and she kept saying how what a bad idea it was.. And I knew it was, but I want to go so badly.. but I decided to hold the trip off until maybe July, when I should get some birthday money or something.. and then maybe I can stay a little longer, if I still don't have a job by then!
I feel bad cuz my friends were all excited, but what can you do.. I don't have a job, don't have steady income.. I mean, I have unemployment, but that is just barely paying for bills, so I don't really rely on it too much for other things.. but oh well!
Now I will go and help Jessie pack instead, so that should be fun.. I am so glad we have kinda renewed our friendship again.. I hate it when she gets in those bad moods, because then she is hard to talk too and she is just not my Jessie anymore! But she seems to be doing better, and I think because we have been hanging out a lot lately too, that has helped.. so yay for that!
today I need to clean the bathroom and then try and beat a boss on Final Fantasy 13.. stupid boss fight! I have tried so many times!!! sigh.. ha oh well! It is not the end of the world.. =)
tomorrow, I go to lunch with my mom and my gma, so I think I will write before and after that.. get more of my story done.. I am up to page 32! I wonder if I can at least double that by the time I go to school.. I am going to try! go me!

so I really want to go up north to visit Brianna and Angela.. but I was probably a little presumptions in thinking I could... ugh why does my mom always have to be the voice of reason.. z.z sometimes, I wish she would just say, "Yeah do what you want, worry about consequences later!" sigh.. I mean, I know she would never be like that, but that is how she acts, so I just wish she would not be hypocritical when it came to me.. all I did was ask about borrowing her air mattress.. I should have just said so Jessie can use it while she is here or something.. bah..
but I know I don't have the money and I was going to use my credit card.. which is not a good thing.. sigh.. well we will see.. I am going to calculate the miles and see how much it would be and then go from there!
on another note... Andrew's bday thing was fun last night.. I am glad that at least Jason and Rachel showed up.. those were the most important people that had to come.. stupid jet and rueben.. I swear, they like shunned Andrew just because he moved out with me.. so stupid.. x.x oh well at least they invited him to vegas so he can have fun with them then.. it just makes me mad and sad for him.. =P
anyways.. I have to go do my exercises so I can go and pick up Jessie.. so until next time!

Alright.. CSUF cost 8 dollars a day to park, even for guests, which is just stupid, so what I did instead, was email three of my old professors to see if they even have summer hours or would even be willing to write me a letter. So here is to hoping that they write me back soon so I can get this started. While I am waiting for those I should really start working on the other things I need to have done for the application. But I can't send over my transcripts yet, because applications are accepted until Sept, so why send it now. They will get them and be like, WTF are these and why are we getting them now?! lame..
ha so I am going to see what each professor says first, and then if they say no for some reason, I will try to find other professors.. I wonder if I can pull up my transcript online.. hmm..
anyways, in the meantime, I did redo my whole story basically.. well not really re-do but I finally say down and edited the whole thing, so that is good.. I made a lot more of it make sense.. since I was writing it out of order, some parts in the beginning did not match with the ending.. so now it should all make sense! yay.. heh we will see what happens when Jessie reads it..
but it also makes me wanted to start writing again so that is good.. I sent it to Jessie a long time ago because I did not know where I wanted to go next, but she never sent it back to me.. so now that I did it on my own, I was able to think of what I wanted to write next and what I wanted to do next, so yay for that!
I feel so bad for Jessie though.. She is getting sued by American Express those bastards.. =P just cuz she didn't pay.. and I did not think they did stuff like that.. I thought they just always threatened and then forgot about it.. I feel really bad about it and wish that I could do something to help!
but she is going to file for Bankruptcy, and hopefully that will help.. she doesn't need credit anyways until she can find a decent and steady job.. I wonder why she has not found a job yet.. I am thinking it is because she has been out of a job for so long.. and has only retail experience.. I mean it has been two years since she has had a job, soo most ppl would not hire her because other people just quit or got fired or something so they would be more willing to hire them.. sigh.. I just feel so bad for her and wish I had a million dollars so I could pay all her credit off for her.. stupid credit!
oh that reminds me.. I really need to change the payment on the citi card before I go negative in my acct! that would be bad!
alright, I am going to take Ty on a walk now, and then finishing putting the edits on the computer.. fun stuff! until next time.. =)

alright I need to sit down and start writing my story again! I go through phases.. I will sit down and write a lot, and then I don't write for a while.. this last time, though, it was because I had sort of a block.. I wrote a page of notes on what the rest of the story is, but I don't know how to seque in between the chapters..
bah.. maybe if I get more feedback from friends I will be able to actually start writing again.. feedback is always very helpful and usually gets me in the mood to start writing again.
but Jessie can't come over next week like I thought.. =( so mayhaps that is a sign that I need to start writing again.. that on Monday, instead of going to pick her up, I sit down for three hours and just write.. I think I can do that..
in fact, I will do that! I should go through my notes and start writing what I know.. and then I can edit and fill in the rest.. that is basically what I have been doing this whole time anyways.. I mean, I wrote the middle of the story before I even wrote the beginning or the end.. so yeah.. time to do that!
alright my head hurts.. and I feel all blah and gross so I am going to go have a snack or something! until next time!

well here is my first blog.. I made this because I do not really hand write anymore and sometimes I want to just write and I want to write on my computer online..
and I don't want to have to save it to a word document everytime either, because that would just take up space on my computer and both desktop and laptop don't have a lot of room anymore!
so.. I don't have any followers and I don't know that I am going to add anyone on here.. but it is a place that I can write, which is what I like best about it!
so alright.. for now, that is all!
see you soon!