I am in a good place right now!
I talked to Andrew and the whole drinking thing and I sort of had an anxiety attack about it and he still wasn't understanding where I was coming from, but I tried to explain as much as I could to him and about how horrible I am and how I think so low of myself.. sigh..
but he just sat there and listened, then he said he would stop drinking all together.. which was really wonderful of him! I told him he doesn't have to completely because I know he will want to when he is with his friends and what not, and I want him to be able to have a good time with them especially because I know they will probably say something to tease him if all of a sudden he stops drinking, but I told him the main thing is that I don't want it in the house. and I don't really want it around a lot when we have kids, even though I know we should expose them to it somewhat so that at least they don't go crazy when they get older, but for now I just don't want it.. I don't want to see him drink and I don't want it in the fridge, so I dunno.. we sort of agreed that he would stop so we shall see what happens!
I just wish I could get a boost to my self esteem but I don't know how to.. sigh.. I need to get my levoxyl so that I can get my weight under control again.. the weekly run has been going good, even though it hurts my leg but I am going to do it even if I am not with Christina.. that should help a little.. I just wish I had as positive a body image as Andrew has of me.. It has gotten a little better, but there is still that nagging feeling that I do not like myself sometimes..
and I am still always thinking that he is going to leave me or cheat on me or something.. stupid past ruining everything! well oh well.. from everything so far, I can trust him.. I mean, he lets me go through his stuff (unless it is close to a holiday.. heh) and look through his phone and I know his passwords for everything so that helps me to trust him more and more and to think that nothing bad is going to happen between us.. my biggest thing was the alcohol and it was bothering me so much, so I am glad that we at least finally talked about it to an extent.

um.. my UCI app is almost ready to go! yay! Stupid teacher needs to do the letter of rec! I am going to send him the email if he doesn't have it by Nov 5th, which was my original deadline. And I will call him as well.. ugh.. what is taking so long?! it can't be that hard if the other two teachers did it the next day! I will probably just send it to him on Friday just to be sure. But I hope everything goes OK and I get in.. ugh I want this so badly! I should know soon after I send everything in I hope!
And the second week or so in Nov, I am going to talk to my boss about my permanent status. They still have not told me about it, and I should have known by now, so after my Vegas vacation ( I want to wait til after that so that I don't ask them about it then all of a sudden I am on vacation) I am going to talk to Charlene and see if she knows what is going on with that so I can at least know.. I mean, she did say I was going to get it, but that was about 3 weeks ago, and now not a word.. so I would like to know! plus they just keep giving me more and more stuff to do, so I would think by now I have kinda earned it.. so we shall see!

alright this is long, so I am going to go now! hasta later!