sometimes I miss colorguard so much it makes me want to cry..

I forgot!! good news! Andrew does not have TB.. ha yay for that! that was scary!
but I guess his skin just reacted a little to the shot he got, so they thought he might have it.. but it was probably just because he is almost as sensitive as I am.. heh so yay!
on another note.. things are sad right now.. =(

I am cold.. ha it is freezing in my building right now!!
bah this raise is taking forever to go into affect.. apparently they can't verify some of my background info, so it hasn't started yet.. stupid! why on earth does it take this long.. I mean, they verified everything with the temp agency, so wtf? why is it so difficult here? as if I would lie or something.. bah!
oh well.. I guess it will happen soon enough.. sigh.. I just have to be more careful when it comes to my spending! at least for the time being.. lame
on another note, going to AZ this weekend! to meet all of Jessie's family! should be fun.. though it will still be a little strange if I am the only white girl there.. haha but it should still be fun and I like AZ for the most part.. I don't think it is going to be balls hot that it usually is when I go, so yay! I wonder if I will have time to see Mike.. probably not.. we are driving up there Friday morning, then coming home Sunday.. ugh not looking forward to the 8 hr drive.. but oh well! nap time! woo! heh
I have been feeling sick lately too so I better not be getting sick! stupid!
um.. what else? only 18 days til Christmas! even though I am depressed about how I look I am getting excited for Christmas! but I am getting a new book called "Eat to Live", so hopefully that will help! I will start buying that stuff in the book and see if I can lose some weight. though some of the weight is probably due to my hypothyroidism, so hopefully when I get my levoxyl again, that will help lose some of the weight, but hopefully for the time being this book will help. MY friend lost weight off of it and it promises that you will lose 20 lbs in 6 weeks, so we will see! I hope so.. I hate feeling like this.. the running has been helping a little, but I need to fix my diet and it has been hard for me since I am so addicted to sugar and fatty foods.. so here is to hoping! It is also just hard because of my stomach problems, so hopefully this book will show a lot of snacks I can eat and stuff..

um.. what else? I dunno.. I think that is it! yay for christmas coming up! and yay for a four day work week! heh

I am fat and gross.. blerg..

also, I am tired of making all the effort with most of my friends.. none of them really seem to make an effort to keep in contact with me.. why does is always have to be me.. x.x

also.. Andrew might have TB.. wtf? where did that even come from?! and it's not like I can get easily tested for it without insurance.. bah.. why would this even happen.. x.x stupid everything!

I may have lost 7 pages of my story.. omg that would just be awful.. I really hope I didn't.. I might cry if I did.. I had a whole nother chapter.. ugh!!!
I will check when I get home today and see.. it is supposed to be 41 pages, but here it is only 34.. that is really scary... x.x
and I have a really bad ache in my neck and I don't know why.. probly from my pillow.. but man it hurts so much.. =(
on a good note, my application as been sent and delivered! yay! now just to wait for Bonca's letter of rec, and then to see if I get in or not.. here's to hoping!

well, the time has now come to finally send in my full application to UCI! yay! I am sending it today, so hopefully they will get it soon! And I asked Dr. Bonca to have the letter by the end of this week. he is the last thing I need.. I asked to have it done by Nov 5th, even sent him three emails and left a voicemail, but he still hasn't done it.. so I really hope he at least gets it done by the end of the week! Then, I play the waiting game.. fun stuff.. ha I hope I get in.. =/

let's see.. everything else is going pretty good! Vegas was fun, though I got mad at Andrew at one point because he kept make comments about girls physical appearance, and even once said something like "why don't you get do that?" referring to Hooters girls getting boob jobs.. So I was just like.. wtf man? Sometimes I can't tell when he is joking and when he is not.. sigh.. oh well.. Other than that, we got to see awesome white tigers (man I want one soo badly!!!) and a cool cougar and cool lions! lots of animals.. we got to feed peacocks and ostriches. um.. then we went to the hoover dam, which was cool because I had never been there! It was really high up and just beautiful! And even though I don't drink, I like shot glasses, so I got three.. ha

Christmas is coming up, which I am excited about! yay for Xmas! I just hope they make me permanent by then so I will have money to buy more gifts.. I am so poor right now.. sigh.. and each week Charlene tells me she is going to give me my review to make me permanent, but she still hasn't, so I am going to keep asking her, at least once a week, until it gets done.. it was slow yesterday and it is slow today, the review should only take like 5 mins, so why can't she just make time for it? bah.. this is dumb.. it also makes me mad because they keep asking me to learn more and more stuff and to keep doing more and more, and yet I am still a temp, so wtf.. at least make me permanent so I am getting paid for what I am doing.. at least I still have a lot of down time.. that is something I guess.. heh

bah I am getting annoyed with Nina.. she keeps saying that she misses me and we should hang out, and yet she never makes time for me.. yet she does things all the time with all her other friends.. I dunno, I just don't get it.. why is it so hard to make time for me if you are always hanging out with your other friends? aren't I supposed to be your best friend? I am kinda getting sick of it and I might confront her about it soon.. because she still expects me to go to her son's bday party, which is fine, but I am always the one making time for all my friends, why can't she make time for me if she is always going out with other ppl.. I don't get it.. sigh.. well we will see.. I might just send her a message about it or something, see what she says.. even when I call or text her she doesn't respond, so we will see..
she does have a vacation coming up, so we will see if she tries to actually hang out..

what else? I dunno.. I guess that is it! Man I really want an Arby's sammich.. I have been craving them so much lately! they are so delicious.. heh
anyways.. time to go and finish the manual I am making.. laters!

I am in a good place right now!
I talked to Andrew and the whole drinking thing and I sort of had an anxiety attack about it and he still wasn't understanding where I was coming from, but I tried to explain as much as I could to him and about how horrible I am and how I think so low of myself.. sigh..
but he just sat there and listened, then he said he would stop drinking all together.. which was really wonderful of him! I told him he doesn't have to completely because I know he will want to when he is with his friends and what not, and I want him to be able to have a good time with them especially because I know they will probably say something to tease him if all of a sudden he stops drinking, but I told him the main thing is that I don't want it in the house. and I don't really want it around a lot when we have kids, even though I know we should expose them to it somewhat so that at least they don't go crazy when they get older, but for now I just don't want it.. I don't want to see him drink and I don't want it in the fridge, so I dunno.. we sort of agreed that he would stop so we shall see what happens!
I just wish I could get a boost to my self esteem but I don't know how to.. sigh.. I need to get my levoxyl so that I can get my weight under control again.. the weekly run has been going good, even though it hurts my leg but I am going to do it even if I am not with Christina.. that should help a little.. I just wish I had as positive a body image as Andrew has of me.. It has gotten a little better, but there is still that nagging feeling that I do not like myself sometimes..
and I am still always thinking that he is going to leave me or cheat on me or something.. stupid past ruining everything! well oh well.. from everything so far, I can trust him.. I mean, he lets me go through his stuff (unless it is close to a holiday.. heh) and look through his phone and I know his passwords for everything so that helps me to trust him more and more and to think that nothing bad is going to happen between us.. my biggest thing was the alcohol and it was bothering me so much, so I am glad that we at least finally talked about it to an extent.

um.. my UCI app is almost ready to go! yay! Stupid teacher needs to do the letter of rec! I am going to send him the email if he doesn't have it by Nov 5th, which was my original deadline. And I will call him as well.. ugh.. what is taking so long?! it can't be that hard if the other two teachers did it the next day! I will probably just send it to him on Friday just to be sure. But I hope everything goes OK and I get in.. ugh I want this so badly! I should know soon after I send everything in I hope!
And the second week or so in Nov, I am going to talk to my boss about my permanent status. They still have not told me about it, and I should have known by now, so after my Vegas vacation ( I want to wait til after that so that I don't ask them about it then all of a sudden I am on vacation) I am going to talk to Charlene and see if she knows what is going on with that so I can at least know.. I mean, she did say I was going to get it, but that was about 3 weeks ago, and now not a word.. so I would like to know! plus they just keep giving me more and more stuff to do, so I would think by now I have kinda earned it.. so we shall see!

alright this is long, so I am going to go now! hasta later!