also... I still can't believe what Brianna did to me.. I really can't.. it was quite possibly the worst thing a "friend" has done to me.. and with no explanation.. I mean, at least with other people they gave me a reason why they couldn't be friends, but this.. "rift" what the fuck is that?! I mean.. seriously.. what the hell happened in Vegas?
ugh I hope she reads this for some reason and feels like shit.. I really hope she does.. I hope she feels like the worst person in the world.. I cried all day for it.. and now I am trying soooo hard not to care... and I don't on most days, but we were supposed to be best friends.. and she wasn't even going to tell me?! she was just hoping our friendship would end?! WTF??!?!? ugh so frustrating.. I already deleted all pics of her from my computer and facebook because I just couldn't see her face anymore.. it made me and still makes me so sad.. I just don't get it!!!! AAARGH! i just want to hit something... I seriously hope she still cries over this and that she beats herself up everyday because of it and Jericho berats her because of it.. ugh.. who does that to people!?

but at least Christmas was amazing this year.. lots of cool gifts! and lots of gift cards.. woo so we got even more stuff with the gift cards! now I am just worried about money.. but hopefully Andrew's parents can help out a little..

and right now I hate BMS.. no one helps me out and yet I am supposed to help everyone else out.. no one helps with the inbox when I am on lunch, so I am constantly delaying my lunch so that I can do the inbox and have it clean before I go on lunch so I don't have 47 messages when I come back.. and yet I am expected to help out on the phones when it is busy.. but when it is busy, does anyone help me? of course not.. jon barely does it when he is the only one here.. and Josh didn't even do everything he was supposed to on Friday.. and I am not even permanent yet!! I am so frustrated at so many things right now

sometimes I miss colorguard so much it makes me want to cry..

I forgot!! good news! Andrew does not have TB.. ha yay for that! that was scary!
but I guess his skin just reacted a little to the shot he got, so they thought he might have it.. but it was probably just because he is almost as sensitive as I am.. heh so yay!
on another note.. things are sad right now.. =(

I am cold.. ha it is freezing in my building right now!!
bah this raise is taking forever to go into affect.. apparently they can't verify some of my background info, so it hasn't started yet.. stupid! why on earth does it take this long.. I mean, they verified everything with the temp agency, so wtf? why is it so difficult here? as if I would lie or something.. bah!
oh well.. I guess it will happen soon enough.. sigh.. I just have to be more careful when it comes to my spending! at least for the time being.. lame
on another note, going to AZ this weekend! to meet all of Jessie's family! should be fun.. though it will still be a little strange if I am the only white girl there.. haha but it should still be fun and I like AZ for the most part.. I don't think it is going to be balls hot that it usually is when I go, so yay! I wonder if I will have time to see Mike.. probably not.. we are driving up there Friday morning, then coming home Sunday.. ugh not looking forward to the 8 hr drive.. but oh well! nap time! woo! heh
I have been feeling sick lately too so I better not be getting sick! stupid!
um.. what else? only 18 days til Christmas! even though I am depressed about how I look I am getting excited for Christmas! but I am getting a new book called "Eat to Live", so hopefully that will help! I will start buying that stuff in the book and see if I can lose some weight. though some of the weight is probably due to my hypothyroidism, so hopefully when I get my levoxyl again, that will help lose some of the weight, but hopefully for the time being this book will help. MY friend lost weight off of it and it promises that you will lose 20 lbs in 6 weeks, so we will see! I hope so.. I hate feeling like this.. the running has been helping a little, but I need to fix my diet and it has been hard for me since I am so addicted to sugar and fatty foods.. so here is to hoping! It is also just hard because of my stomach problems, so hopefully this book will show a lot of snacks I can eat and stuff..

um.. what else? I dunno.. I think that is it! yay for christmas coming up! and yay for a four day work week! heh

I am fat and gross.. blerg..

also, I am tired of making all the effort with most of my friends.. none of them really seem to make an effort to keep in contact with me.. why does is always have to be me.. x.x

also.. Andrew might have TB.. wtf? where did that even come from?! and it's not like I can get easily tested for it without insurance.. bah.. why would this even happen.. x.x stupid everything!

I may have lost 7 pages of my story.. omg that would just be awful.. I really hope I didn't.. I might cry if I did.. I had a whole nother chapter.. ugh!!!
I will check when I get home today and see.. it is supposed to be 41 pages, but here it is only 34.. that is really scary... x.x
and I have a really bad ache in my neck and I don't know why.. probly from my pillow.. but man it hurts so much.. =(
on a good note, my application as been sent and delivered! yay! now just to wait for Bonca's letter of rec, and then to see if I get in or not.. here's to hoping!

well, the time has now come to finally send in my full application to UCI! yay! I am sending it today, so hopefully they will get it soon! And I asked Dr. Bonca to have the letter by the end of this week. he is the last thing I need.. I asked to have it done by Nov 5th, even sent him three emails and left a voicemail, but he still hasn't done it.. so I really hope he at least gets it done by the end of the week! Then, I play the waiting game.. fun stuff.. ha I hope I get in.. =/

let's see.. everything else is going pretty good! Vegas was fun, though I got mad at Andrew at one point because he kept make comments about girls physical appearance, and even once said something like "why don't you get do that?" referring to Hooters girls getting boob jobs.. So I was just like.. wtf man? Sometimes I can't tell when he is joking and when he is not.. sigh.. oh well.. Other than that, we got to see awesome white tigers (man I want one soo badly!!!) and a cool cougar and cool lions! lots of animals.. we got to feed peacocks and ostriches. um.. then we went to the hoover dam, which was cool because I had never been there! It was really high up and just beautiful! And even though I don't drink, I like shot glasses, so I got three.. ha

Christmas is coming up, which I am excited about! yay for Xmas! I just hope they make me permanent by then so I will have money to buy more gifts.. I am so poor right now.. sigh.. and each week Charlene tells me she is going to give me my review to make me permanent, but she still hasn't, so I am going to keep asking her, at least once a week, until it gets done.. it was slow yesterday and it is slow today, the review should only take like 5 mins, so why can't she just make time for it? bah.. this is dumb.. it also makes me mad because they keep asking me to learn more and more stuff and to keep doing more and more, and yet I am still a temp, so wtf.. at least make me permanent so I am getting paid for what I am doing.. at least I still have a lot of down time.. that is something I guess.. heh

bah I am getting annoyed with Nina.. she keeps saying that she misses me and we should hang out, and yet she never makes time for me.. yet she does things all the time with all her other friends.. I dunno, I just don't get it.. why is it so hard to make time for me if you are always hanging out with your other friends? aren't I supposed to be your best friend? I am kinda getting sick of it and I might confront her about it soon.. because she still expects me to go to her son's bday party, which is fine, but I am always the one making time for all my friends, why can't she make time for me if she is always going out with other ppl.. I don't get it.. sigh.. well we will see.. I might just send her a message about it or something, see what she says.. even when I call or text her she doesn't respond, so we will see..
she does have a vacation coming up, so we will see if she tries to actually hang out..

what else? I dunno.. I guess that is it! Man I really want an Arby's sammich.. I have been craving them so much lately! they are so delicious.. heh
anyways.. time to go and finish the manual I am making.. laters!